


loving can mend your soul

by I_have_more_ships_than_friends



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 9-1-1 Season 4, Christopher calls buck dad, Family Fluff, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, i can't write dialogue so this is basically just a character study, i probably change tenses like eight times just ignore it, this is entirely self indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:47:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29293911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_have_more_ships_than_friends/pseuds/I_have_more_ships_than_friends
Summary: Christopher sighed, settling down into his pillows. “Goodnight, dad,” he said, and Buck froze, his chest growing suddenly tight with emotion and tears welling up in his eyes. He managed to choke out a “goodnight buddy” before standing up, planning to go home and have an emotional freakout, only to see Eddie standing in the doorway, looking at Buck with an unreadable expression.aka, Christopher calls Buck 'dad' and there's just a lot of feelings
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 500





	loving can mend your soul

**Author's Note:**

> this idea came to me at like 2 in the morning and i could not stop thinking about it so enjoy this completely self indulgent fluff!

It had become a regular occurrence for Buck to hang out at the Diaz residence once he had gotten closer with Eddie and Christopher, often going over after a shift to destress or just to catch up with his best friend and his favorite kid in the world. In the early days of the pandemic, Eddie had been terrified of going home to Christopher and risking him getting sick, so he instead spent most of his nights on Buck’s couch, as Buck had opened up his home to the other members of the 118 who had been scared of exposing their families. Once it had become clear that it was going to be awhile before anyone could feel 100% safe going home, Hen had decided that she would rather be with her wife and kids with increased safety measures than without them, and Eddie followed suit soon after. Chimney had been more reluctant, refusing to put Maddie in any danger and risk anything happening to their baby, but even he had finally buckled the previous week. Albert was now staying at Buck’s, which was a strange but not unwelcome development. Albert was a decent roommate (his coffee-making skills definitely gave him some extra points) and was fun enough to hang out with, but more and more Buck found himself missing the company of his favorite boys and ended up at Eddie’s playing games with Christopher or attempting (unsuccessfully) to teach Eddie how to cook.

Eddie had mostly recovered from his Hildy-induced internet freak out and had even kept the coffee maker Buck had gotten him (Buck had teased him for finally succumbing to the power of the internet, but was secretly pleased that Eddie had liked his gift). He admitted to Buck that it did in fact make better coffee, and allowed him to program Buck’s favorite coffee into the machine so he didn’t have to go through the ridiculously complicated process of making it every time Buck slept over. When Eddie told him this, Buck felt oddly overcome with emotion and concealed it with a quip about Eddie going soft in his old age, to which Eddie just rolled his eyes.

Buck and Eddie both had the evening off after a long stretch of back to back 24-hour shifts, so when Eddie asked if he wanted to come over and hang out with him and Christopher, he accepted without hesitation. Wanting to spare himself from the horrors of Eddie’s cooking, he swung by their favorite pizza place on his way to Eddie’s, making sure to get all of the toppings right on Eddie’s weirdly specific pizza order.

Balancing the pizza boxes on one arm, Buck dug in his pocket to extricate the key Eddie had given him a few months ago, telling him that he was over there all the time anyways and it would just make sense for him to have a key (Buck very pointedly did not cry when this happened). When he swung the door open, he was greeted with the sight of Eddie and Chris on the couch, already engrossed in a video game, Eddie’s brow furrowed in concentration. Eddie’s face instantly brightened when he noticed Buck, and he pressed a button on his controller to pause the game, much to Chris’s dismay.

“You didn’t have to get pizza for us, I was gonna cook,” Eddie said in way of greeting. Christopher’s nose noticeably wrinkled, and Buck had to stifle a laugh.

“If he was planning on cooking, then I’m definitely glad I got pizza,” he whispered to Christopher, who giggled at Eddie’s betrayed expression. Eddie took the pizza boxes from him, flipped him off out of view of Chris, and handed him his video game controller. Buck ignored the shiver that went down his spine as Eddie’s hand brushed his.

“Maybe you can redeem my score while I get dinner set up,” Eddie called over his shoulder as he went into the kitchen, “as repayment for insulting my cooking.”

Buck flopped down onto the couch, shaking off his previous train of thought and greeting Christopher with a hug before glancing at the screen and wincing at just how much he would need to do to redeem Eddie’s score. He sighed, resigning himself to yet another defeat by a 9-year-old, and pressed the button to restart the game.

Christopher was unfairly good at this game, and Buck found himself getting so sucked in that he didn’t even notice when Eddie came back into the room, leaning against the doorway and watching the two of them playing video games with a soft smile on his face. Chris managed to get a critical hit in, defeating Buck despite his best efforts (he was going to blame Eddie for this one). Christopher bounced on the couch in celebration with the biggest grin on his face while Buck threw his hands up in defeat, the poorly concealed smile on his face betraying his secret joy at being beaten by Christopher. He tore his gaze from the TV and found Eddie staring at him with an odd look on his face, holding his gaze for only a moment before tearing his eyes away and telling both of them to come get their dinner.

Watching Christopher get up off the couch, still slightly unsteady but so set on doing things himself, and walk towards Eddie, who beamed down at Christopher with so much love and pride, Buck is suddenly overcome with an emotion he can’t name, one that warmed him right down to his toes. When Dr. Copeland had asked him to describe the feeling, the only word he could come up with was _family_. He’s known for a while that he feels the safest he’s ever felt when he’s with Eddie and Christopher, and he’s constantly grateful for the way they’ve accepted him into their little family. Even so, there’s a tiny part of him that always hurts with the knowledge that he’ll never truly belong. Some day, Eddie will meet some amazing woman who can give him everything he needs, and Buck will fall by the wayside, left behind and forgotten. It’s what’s happened with every other person he’s loved, so why should this be any different?

He’s torn out of his musings as he enters the kitchen and smells the pizza on the counter, his stomach loudly reminding him how hungry he is. He grabbed a plate, bumping Eddie’s shoulder as he moved past him to get to the food. Eddie sucked in a breath at the contact, but then instantly turned to Christopher with the beaming smile reserved only for his son, and Buck assumed he must just be hearing things.

When all three of their plates were loaded up with pizza, they settled onto the couch, Buck and Eddie on either side of Christopher, trying to decide what movie to watch. Christopher practically begged to watch Finding Nemo, and Buck caved pretty much instantly because no one can resist the Diaz puppy dog eyes turned up to 11. Once both Buck and Christopher turned their puppy dog eyes on Eddie, he sighed in resignation and opened Disney+ on the TV, to cheers of delight from both Buck and Chris.

Halfway through the movie, the pizza had been demolished and Chris had started to drift to sleep, slumped against Buck’s side with his eyes half-closed. Eddie smiled down at Chris’s sleeping form with so much love in his eyes that Buck felt his heart stutter in his chest. He forced himself to tear his eyes away from Eddie before he says something stupid, instead focusing on the movie that he’s watched probably a dozen times on this very couch.

Throughout the rest of the movie, he periodically steals a glance over at Eddie, noticing how relaxed and happy he looks, and each time Buck feels the unnamed emotion growing stronger and stronger, threatening to consume him if he lets it. One time he looked over at Eddie to find Eddie’s eyes already on him, a smile on his face that’s so soft Buck can’t help but return it. It’s at that moment that Christopher stirs, pulling Buck’s gaze away from the face of his best friend.

“Hey buddy, you ready to go to bed?” Buck asked gently as Christopher sat up, stretching his arms out and yawning. He nodded in sleepy agreement, standing up to make his way to his room. Buck saw Eddie make a movement towards Chris to help him before stopping himself, knowing how much Chris likes doing things on his own. Eddie does eventually get up to make sure Christopher brushes his teeth properly, leaving Buck alone on the couch with a peculiar feeling in his chest. He ignored it, instead collecting their dishes from dinner and putting the pizza in the fridge, the whole situation feeling oddly domestic and not doing much to help quell his emotions.

He’s startled by Eddie reappearing in the doorway to the kitchen with a weary look on his face. “Would you mind reading something to Christopher? He’s refusing to go to bed until you read to him and I’d actually like to get some sleep before our shift tomorrow.” Buck swallowed down the lump of emotion that rose in his throat and nodded in agreement, not trusting himself to speak without saying something stupid. Eddie’s face softened as he sighed in relief, mouthing ‘thank you’ and walking past him to get something from the fridge.

Buck shook his head slightly to clear out his previous train of thought, putting a smile on his face as he went towards Christopher’s room. Standing in the doorway, he’s greeted with the sight of his favorite kid in the world lying in bed, holding a book to his chest and beaming at Buck with the biggest smile he’s ever seen. Buck can’t help but smile back, coming over to sit down in the chair Christopher has next to his bed for when he or Eddie read to him.

As he read, doing all of the different voices that make Chris laugh that bright, infectious laugh that never fails to put a smile on his face, he felt that unnamed emotion swelling in his chest again. By the end of the story, Chris looked about ready to drift off to sleep, so Buck closed the book and gently placed it on the nightstand. He leaned in, kissing Chris on the forehead and pulling his blankets up over him.

Christopher sighed, settling down into his pillows. “Goodnight, dad,” he said, and Buck froze, his chest growing suddenly tight with emotion and tears welling up in his eyes. He managed to choke out a “goodnight buddy” before standing up, planning to go home and have an emotional freakout, only to see Eddie standing in the doorway, looking at Buck with an unreadable expression.

Buck moved past Eddie, softly closing the door behind him, bracing himself for the inevitable fallout. “Eddie, I’m so sorry, he’s tired, he probably doesn’t even know what he’s saying-”

Eddie cut him off by leaning forward and pressing their lips together, and Buck’s brain short-circuited. For a moment, all that went through his mind was _‘Eddie’s kissing me, Eddie’s kissing me, why is Eddie kissing me,’_ and then everything seemed to fall into place. He thought to himself _‘oh, it’s you, it’s always been you’_ and maybe the thought should have scared him, but it didn’t. This was Eddie, his best friend, the one person who knew him better than anyone in the world, the only person who had ever made him feel accepted and cared for and like he belonged somewhere.

So what else could he do but pull Eddie closer and kiss him back?

As their lips moved together, Eddie’s hands came up to gently cradle his face, so soft despite the calluses and scars on his fingers, so gentle despite all of the strength Buck knew was in those hands, and he had to break away from Eddie’s lips to take a breath.

He moved back slightly to find Eddie’s eyes on him, his gaze filled with that emotion Buck had been feeling for so long and had been unable to put a name to, and at that moment, Buck finally understands what that emotion is. It’s the look on Bobby’s face when he talks about Athena, it’s the way Chimney smiles every time he looks at the picture of Maddie’s ultrasound, it’s the way Hen laughs at every video Karen sends her of Denny and Nia. It’s _love_. And, he realized, it’s what he’s felt every time he’s looked at Eddie for the past two years. With that realization, he surged forward to kiss Eddie again.

Eddie’s lips parted underneath his and the kiss turned hungrier, more passionate, all of the emotions that they had been keeping bottled up for so long all coming out at once. As Eddie’s hands slid down to his waist, pulling him impossibly closer, he tries to pour everything that he’s feeling into the kiss, not knowing if he can find the right words yet to properly express the all-encompassing nature of his feelings.

So with every breath, every touch, every press of their lips, he tries to say what he’s feeling, what he’s been feeling for so long: _I love you, I love you, I love you._

**Author's Note:**

> i really really hope this happens in season 4 because we've seen that christopher basically thinks of buck as another parent and it would make me happy to see buck be happy


End file.
